Perspective From an Agility Perfectionist
Deb's Border Collie, Kazi, soars through the tire jump
PERSPECTIVE FROM AN AGILITY PERFECTIONIST
By Deb Locke
(reprinted here with Deb's permission)
Agility can be so Zen. The more you care about the outcome, the worse the outcome seems to be. This seems especially true when competing! It also seems to be true that in the very beginning, and again when you finally reach a certain level of competence, agility is a whole lot of fun! But in those intermediate stages when you've only seen a glimpse of potential and are still wondering about your agility future, it can seem like real work. We tend to want too much, too soon, and can be misled by stories of the rare person who got their title in just one trial. Most of us take much longer than this, trust me! Those who do not often have paid their dues up front by practicing well beyond the novice level before beginning competition.
That said, the more agility seems serious, or like work, the longer it will take you to get to that place where it becomes a lot of fun again! The reason for this is twofold. First, agility is a fun game, and you cannot work at having fun. Its an oxymoron! And you cannot fool your dog about that fact either. Second, your dog cannot understand the difference between you being 'serious' about agility and there being some kind of problem to worry about. If he senses you are dissatisfied, unhappy, impatient, worried, or stressed, he will match your mood, and worse, he will conclude that its his fault. Dogs are very egocentric. That's why when you're sick, for example, they are so understanding and comforting to you, as if they know. They do know, and they figure its up to them to fix it or take the blame.
Dogs also really do not have the wherewithal to understand 'serious' competition. What they understand is, if its fun then do it, and if its not fun then get out of there before something bad happens. Hence a stressed dog who cannot identify and deal with the source of stress he senses will shut down, sniff, get the zoomies, or try to do the job so fast and nervously that bars goes flying everywhere. And who needs that complication when learning is hard enough.
I got a BC a couple years back because I thought I could have some 'serious fun' with a dog that had that kind of intense work ethic. Well, we're both intense, that's for sure. But despite her hunger for a job, she will shut down like any other dog if I get 'serious' about agility, especially about the learning part. It still has to be all about pleasure or she gets too nervous to learn and do well. So I had to learn to go easy and be soft and not demanding. I had to consciously remember to express my approval for her effort. Not her success, but her effort.
I'm still a perfectionist, but I've learned to be one when my dog is not around to be affected by it. I've also learned to be flexible in my goals. I go in wanting the blue and Q, but if I get that first-ever nailed weave entry, that first send-out, if my dog saves my bacon by doing something brilliant while I screw up, if something we've been working hard on finally comes to pass, that is honestly better than a Q to me. I have taught myself that the relationship between the two of us and our personal goals is more important than the relationship to other teams and how they are competing. Perfectionism is a part of me, like the demon in the closet I am always fighting to keep in line. I have a license plate that says NQ-NCARE, not because I am like that, but because I want to be like that. Its an ongoing project. I have to work at it.
As far as concrete tips for relaxing goes, I cannot recommend enough the concepts of realistic goal setting and goal management found in Angelica Steineker's "Agility Sucess" book. This is required reading for anyone who plans to be competitive in agility, even if you're only competing with your sense of having done a good job.
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